BikeBiz to publish pan-galactic golf directory

There will be a guaranteed print run of 5000 copies of the 4900-page £20 book, despite the fact there are far better golf trade directories out there, claim critics
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Publisher Carlton Reid said: “I live in a fantasy world where I reckon that just by saying I’ll earn £100 000 in book sales, I will.

“We’re supremely capable producing a pan-galactic golf trade directory because we know nothing at all about golf. Sure, the doom sayers say there’s absolutely no need for a pan-galactic trade directory that costs twenty quid when there are free ones that specialise in a geographic area and are already stuffed to the gills with European and international addresses but I feel we don’t squeeze enough blood out of the golf trade so will press on regardless.”

Reid poo-poohed suggestions that his existing directory – The Golf Saucebook UK – would suffer from the publication of an extra title, pan-galactic in reach:

“Hoh, no. It would be far too sensible to put the pan-galactic addresses into the UK Saucebook. When I cock something up and show my ignorance of the needs of a trade, I really like to do it in style.”

When pressed on his existing Golf Saucebook’s accuracy – for instance, in the 2001 Saucebook there were key omissions such as EPX golf-clubs of Malaysia, despite EPX being an advertiser in Reid’s golf trade magazine – Reid fended off the criticism.

“Look, I hate golf. I employ bright young things who will soon be moving on to proper jobs who say they like golf but I know it’s only because I gave them golf-centred jobs. With this sort of background it’s clear our database is not going to be at all accurate. Who cares? There will always be companies who will advertise in a low circulation trade directory that costs the earth despite the fact there are more accurate, freely distributed directories new on the scene.

“The pan-galactic Saucebook will cost £10 000 to print in boring black and white and I’m looking to clear £90 000 from the mugs in the golf trade. Sure, nobody actually needs a pan-galactic golf trade directory but by the time advertisers realise that I’ll have spent the profits on re-thatching my house in the country again.”

When asked what colour the sky was in his world, Reid said “Pink. Why?”


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