[Scene setter: Paper-clipped to the top of today's release is a Polaroid of a battered answering phone with the word BUMMER! scribbled beneath in marker pen].
Press Release from the howies answerphone.
It all started back in July 96. I came out of this box, they put me in a tiny room, and plugged me in. And suddenly they were in business. Each day theyd go to work and left me to run the business. I felt so important back then cos I was running the show. They seemed quite pleased with me, and used to clean me almost every week.
I thought I was doing a really good job. Sales doubled each year (something that companies with people working full time couldnt even claim).
Their ads won awards. They even got voted 9th most important [clothing] brand in Britain [by FW magazine]. So now theyve decided to quit their jobs and run howies full time. Which can only mean one thing...They will be answering the bloody phone.
Plus, now the talk in the office is The internet this, email that. Ive even overheard them whispering something about doing away with the answer phone altogether. Can you believe it? After all Ive done for them.
I bet they havent taken a moment to think about how this makes me feel.