Blokes, get caught speeding in your car and you may have to go back to riding a slow rustbucket of a bicycle, your "childhood mode of transport." And because you're back on a bike you'll probably lose your girlfriend, too. This is the startling message from a new advertising campaign from Western Australia's Road Safety Commission.
In a series of video adverts a speeding driver loses his licence and has to ride a bicycle to work, and he is also shown about to be dumped by his girlfriend for riding a "tiny little green bike."
"Speeding slows you down," is the campaign's theme, portraying cycling as slow, creaky, childish and deeply unfashionable.
UPDATE: the videos on this page no longer play, the ad campaign has been pulled, partly thanks to this news story.
"Meet Cam," says the campaign. "He has lost his licence for speeding…too often. And now he faces the consequences: he’s back on the bike. The same bike he used to ride to school. Ironically, it’s an old racer, a little rusty and he’s too big for it now."
In the accompanying advert Cam looks forlornly at his car as he's forced to ride to work carrying tools on the back of an old bike. He is shown wobbling slowly along the road, dabbing his foot on the ground to steady himself.
In another video Cam is small in a huge expanse of outback, and rides painfully slowly across the screen, with creaking sound effects.
"This is the story of Cam. And his bike," says the official government campaign. The bike, says Western Australia's Road Safety Commission is "his childhood mode of transport."
Cam's girlfriend – punningly named for a German sportscar brand – cools on him when he turns up for a date on his dirty bicycle.
"Lucky Portia doesn't mind your tiny little green bike," intones a deep, cynical male voice, adding menacingly "...for now."
All of the video shorts end with a black screen and the text "authorised by the state government Perth."
And we think we've got it bad in the UK.